Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
