My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
