i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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