How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
