No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
