You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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