You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
