bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
