yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
