you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
