I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
