so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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