Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
