If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
