I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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