just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
