If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
