She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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