That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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