I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
