sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize