But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
