The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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