We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
