You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
