ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize