He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
