Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
