Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
