I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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