It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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