So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
