The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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