i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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