porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize