Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
