I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
