he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
