I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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