It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They have beer where we have blood.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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