Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
