I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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