Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
