Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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