at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
