you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
