I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
