I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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