walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Two words: nipple clamps
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