yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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