So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
