I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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