she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
