Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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