There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
