some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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