Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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