I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
