you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
