Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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