I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I CAN MOONWALK!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
