Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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