I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize