Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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