Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
