How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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