and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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