then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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