Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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