i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
