Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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