Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
