I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize