I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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