drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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